It is a very challenging situation when you’re in a relationship that isn’t good for you, but you can’t seem to turn it loose. It’s taken you through all kinds of changes, and you know that your life is far from peaceful and content, yet you’ve made yourself okay with it. Why is that? Some would say that it is because of a soul-tie. It happens when our souls have a need that our heads are not aware of. We’ll sometimes draw someone that identifies or vibrates with this need, and in these cases, good judgement and sound decision making goes out of the window. It happens because the will of the soul can easily overwhelm the heart when the mind is not renewed.
Heavenly Father has given us the gift of free-will, and we can use it however we choose. We make our own decisions and choices, and this freedom is birthed from God’s love. 1John 4:16 tells us a whole lot about God’s identity. It tells us that God is love. Love is not only what He does, it is who He is. Because of this pattern the Father has demonstrated by giving us free-will, we can know definitively that love does not withhold the choices of right and wrong or good and evil. In the beginning, when God created Adam, He commanded that Adam should not eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, but God did not remove the tree of the knowledge of good and evil from the garden.
The access to do those things that would harm his relationship with God was not restricted. Heavenly Father wanted Adam to honor Him as his sovereign God and to continue treasuring their relationship, but this was Adam’s choice to make. Heavenly Father will not force us to love Him. He didn’t create us to be robots. He created us because He wanted a family. He made us in His image because He wanted children to love.
Many of us hang on to relationships and situations because we tell ourselves that we can make it right or make it better. The proverb Jesus spoke in Luke 4:23 comes to mind, ‘Physician, heal thyself.” It is a delusion to think we can make anything truly better when we will not seek to make our own souls better. In Luke 6:41(NLT), Jesus Christ asked the poignant question, “And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?” Many of us trap ourselves in a vicious negative cycle because we’ve refused to deal with the log. We can become so invested in a relationship that we lose ourselves in it, and therefore can’t see things for what they really are.
Unknowingly, many of us will use the person in our significant relationships to feed something within us that shouldn’t grow. This isn’t always easily identified, and the notion of it is very often rejected. But if abuse has been in our backgrounds, it is possible that we’re carrying fear in our hearts, and we’re using the relationship as a Band-Aid. Unconsciously, we may be allowing this fear to call the shots. Jesus has the solution for this, and it requires us to be humble enough to ask him for it.
Jesus Christ said in Matthew 6:21 that wherever our treasure is, that’s where our hearts will be also. We don’t want to be treasuring fear or treasuring the person that keeps us in it. Our hearts belong to God, and He has given us His precious Holy Spirit to help us root out fear, so that no part of us is ruled by it. Fear cannot bring us anything but heartache and disruption, and this isn’t the way God wants us to live. Jesus Christ said in John 10:10 that he came to give us access to a more than abundant life, and if we choose to lean on his love, we’ll gain the spiritual strength to give fear its walking papers.■
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.
“I Want to Make It Right!“, written for overcomingdomesticviolence.org©2022. All rights reserved. All done to the glory of God through Jesus Christ, our Lord!