No Discipline is Enjoyable

Hebrews 12:11(NLT)
“No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening – it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.”

My dear friend, Maggie, is a lovely Christian woman, and she reached out to me about a situation she’s dealing with. She’s always been obsessive about avoiding the discomfort of rejection and embarrassment, and I’m sure many of us can probably relate to this. Maggie met someone new a few months prior, and they’d been enjoying conversations and an occasional meet up for lunch or dinner. She really liked him, and when she offered to take him out to dinner for his birthday, he reluctantly accepted. He told her it wasn’t necessary, but she insisted and made elaborate plans. She thought that surely, he would be so taken with her loving gestures that he’d want to be more than just friends. That didn’t happen. During their outing, he told her he couldn’t stay out long because he needed to pick up his date.

Maggie was heartbroken and humiliated, but she held it all inside. He didn’t seem to have a clue about how hurt she felt. Maggie expressed to me that she couldn’t believe she was in this situation yet again. She was shocked to be blindsided to such a degree that she’d expend time, energy, and resources on a man that didn’t see her the same way she saw him. Exasperated and hurt, she said to me, “I have a great career, nice home, I’m attractive, I don’t have a lot of baggage, and I’ve always been told I’m fun to be with. So what gives?”

All of us have disappointments and hurts, especially when it comes to relationships, but when we notice that we have a pattern of having unreasonable expectations and acting prematurely, we need to shine the spotlight on ourselves. Our first point of action should be to spend some quality time with the Father in prayer. All of us assume we know ourselves very well, but the truth is that only God knows our hearts. He knows us inside out, and our humility about this is required.

We don’t always know why we jump to conclusions or have fantasies about people and romance that are unrealistic, but God knows, and we need to ask Him about it in a way that conveys we’re willing and ready to accept what He says. Sometimes we go to God and ask Him to bless us when we haven’t demonstrated any readiness to handle what we’ve asked to receive. Without having wisdom from His Word, we might not understand that the answer He’s giving us will lead us to make some changes.

Disappointment and heartbreak are not enjoyable, but God will allow the circumstances and consequences of our poor choices to discipline us, so that we stop making the same mistakes and seek Him and His wisdom for instruction, guidance, and direction. Proverbs 4:7 (NKJV) tells us, “Wisdom is the principal thing; Therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding.” In this verse, Heavenly Father teaches us that wisdom is the primary thing. It ought to be at the top of our list, and we should pray for God’s wisdom in everything that we attempt to do.

James 1:5 (NKJV) says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” We need to ask God for His wisdom whenever we need it, and we can do so with the confidence that He will not be upset with us for asking. He wants us to do this. And we need to pay attention and be on the lookout for what He reveals through situations, routines, and people we encounter every day. We should deeply desire wisdom. This is especially true when it comes to relationships, because when we’re asking God to bless us with a significant relationship that will lead to marriage, we need wisdom and lots of it.

Isaiah 40:31(NKJV) tells us, “But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.” Our Heavenly Father doesn’t cause our hiccups in life, but in many cases, we should view them as messages that we may have tried to get ahead of Him. We’re being impatient and leaning on our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5) instead of waiting on the Lord. His discipline is to get us off the wrong path and put us on the right path. Embarrassment, brokenness, disappointment, and pain are not fun, but they are all temporary when we’re in Christ. God will turn them around. He will use them to prepare us for all the blessings He has in store for our lives if we learn from His discipline and continue to grow in faith.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Wheaton, Illinois 60189. All rights reserved.

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